"Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.”Victoria Tunggono 09 February 2016 15:30
Brilio.net - People say if you want to know something more, go to the expert in the field. We’re all clueless about life, but it’s best to go to the people who had lived long enough and learn from them. Bronnie Ware was a palliative care specialist. It is the nurse that takes care of people with severe diagnoses. Most of her patients died in her care, but during their last moments, they shared their stories and memories with her.
She said, “People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.”
For us who still have many years to go until we get to the end, it is better to take notes and live in such a different way that when we finally have to go, there is no regret that we leave on. Here are the top five regrets that Ware had summarized from her patients in her website and book:
1. ‘I Wish I’d Had the Courage To Live A Life True to Myself, Not The Life Others Expected Of Me’
This was the most regret people admitted to Ware. When one is facing death, people tend to look back and realized that some dreams had never fulfilled. It may because of many things but mostly, we let people direct us on how we must live our life, on what we should have be, and forget about our own dream. Most of us let life to get to us instead of standing for our own dream.
Jeff Wilson from The Spirit Science said, “If you are the kind of person to let fear hold you back, you are the kind of person who will have a hard time forgiving yourself for the choices you’ve made.” So remember that dream is the clue from God of how our life should be and you should be brave enough to go against the current to make it come true because after all, it’s your life anyway—not others.
2. ‘I Wish I Didn’t Work So Hard’
Ware said that all of her male patient and some of the women had said this. They had been working so hard that they missed their spouse’s companionship and children’s youth. They worried so much about material things that they forget the essence of life is about the people who surround us.
Now that we are still living, it’s never too late to change your life direction and priority. Focus on your work but make time for your family. When you realize that life is not about the money, you’ll value more things around you than ever and you will see that money doesn’t make you rich and happy. Your family does. We always need money, but don’t let it control us.
3. ‘I Wish I Had The Courage To Express My Feelings’
“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result,” warned Ware.
All our lives we have to deal with people and compromise about things. But letting them get on you too much is not healthy. We must know and keep our principals and priority. We cannot please everyone all the time, but we cannot always win either. Best way to achieve win-win solution for everyone is always through discussion and good communication. And the most important thing is to speak up for what we feel toward those who are important for us before it’s too late.
4. ‘I Wish I Had Stayed In Touch With My Friends’
Ware revealed, “Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”
Most of the people I know are forgetting their friends once they are married and build families. I almost never get in touch with them because they are too busy with their new life. Single people became a threat to married friends and vice versa, forgetting that old friends are those who had shared laughter and tears, and stayed with us in our worse time. I guess it’s never a harm to say hello to old friends once in a while and see how much you’ve missed for years. Remember that new friends are like diamond, but old friends are the gold that holds the diamond.
5. ‘I Wish That I Had Let Myself Be Happier’
Surprisingly, most people had this regret of not letting themselves to be happy. “Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again,” Ware denoted.
Sad as it sounds, this is the fact most people are doing to themselves. Many forget that life is about love and happiness, and everything else is mere supplement. But the true happiness one must achieve is the happiness from within, that one must be content of oneself first that they can love others and be truly happy. Life is a choice and it’s your choice. So always choose consciously, wisely, and honestly. Make the most of it now!