Most couples got married for so many wrong reasons.Victoria Tunggono 24 February 2016 15:00
Brilio.net - In all the marriage problems I’ve heard from the closest people around me, I can conclude that most couples got married for so many wrong reasons. Those who have great, passionate relationship for many years with their spouse are married because of love. And those who instead have nightmare relationship (and often divorce in the end) were married for all the wrong reasons. Below are the nine greatest reasons that I hope you won’t make if you’re not yet married:
1. Because of parental pressure
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Most Asians will this deal with this at least once in their life, where parents or elders in a big family demand for a new addition to the family. Of course all parents want their children to find get someone who loves them, takes care of them and keeps them happy. But have your say on this and remember that this is your life, not theirs. You are the one who will live the new life with your spouse, so choose wisely because marriage is meant to last for the rest of your life.
2. Because I’m getting old
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Don’t be silly and listen to all what people say. There is no such thing as a perfect age to get married. Someone may be too young or too old when they get married but when you find “the one” it won’t be a problem. You’ll be just ready if you find the perfect one. People have stopped listening to their hearts and use their mind instead. It might work for business decisions, but never for love. It’s always the person you’re married to that matters, not the age.
3. Because I want to have kids now before too late
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If your only reason for getting married is to have children, I guess you’re completely missing the point of marriage. Marriage is an institution supplied to accommodate two people who are in love with each other and commit on building a family together. It’s not just about making children because you’ll be too focused on being parents without being concerned about your spouse’s happiness and your relationship with him/her. This has been the biggest reason of divorce, because your spouse would find happiness with someone else. No matter how old you are, as long as there is love, you can always be a parent. Otherwise it’s just your ego or obsession talking.
4. Because of the pressure faced by peers
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You may be the last single in your friends, but so what? Don’t get married just because your friends are. It’s not some music concert you’re going to attend. It’s once-in-a-lifetime decision. Most Asians tend to hurry people to get married and compare them with the friends who already have been married. Questions such as “when will you get married” or “when will you follow (a newlywed) lead (to get married)” are often heard, even when you don’t have a date. Just consider it as a chit chat template instead of getting stressed about it.
5. Because he is a devout man and kind enough to be my husband
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This message is especially for religious women who are looking for a nice, devout man to be the head of the family. People’s good faith and character has nothing to do from being a person who will love you to the moon and back and do anything just to make you happy. Find a religious counselor/institution for some guidance to be religious family. A man who loves you will surely make the effort to be a good head of the family and give his best for you.
6. Because he/she seems to fit all the criteria of being a good spouse for me and parent to my future children
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Don’t believe all the things you see, especially if you see them just from the outside. Nobody knows what’s inside one’s heart unless you get to know him/her better and he/she shows you his/her weaknesses too. Your criteria for perfect spouse won’t make anyone love you the way you deserve to be treated. You don’t want to get married based on what seems. You need to be certain that the man or woman you’re going to marry will make you happy, give you a better life and build new family together with.
7. Because he/she is my only ticket to get out of my parents’ house
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You may don’t like living in your house. Your family may always get in your way and you may feel like a prisoner in your own home. This case really happened to some of my friends and after a few years they admitted that they would prefer any other condition but to be married. If you don’t like living with your parents, find a good job (which is better to be far away from town and out of town) and get out from that house. Marriage is never the answer if you’re trying to run away from something because it’s a whole new life altogether—which means a whole new problem to be faced.
8. Because I get bored easily
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Don’t laugh at this. My very own friend said this before she got married. She is easily bored with her boyfriends so when she was old enough to get married and found someone who was serious enough to marry her, they said their vows. Don’t ask me how it ended—they just needed 2 months to decide that they did not belong together, and got divorced not even half the period that it took to plan their wedding. If you get bored easily in relationships, don’t get married at all. You’ll be meeting your spouse everyday during your marriage and there is not much you can do if you get bored with them.
9. Because he/she seems to be prosperous enough to guarantee a good life
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Well I can’t say much here if your goal is to be married is solely because of the money. A friend of mine carries this ideology and she ended up in a physically abusive relationship, divorced with one kid and didn’t even get a penny from the separation. Domestic violence, divorce and other drama mostly occur in these cases because when money talks, everything can be bought—even a spouse. And you will become a property, not a lover. Don’t wish for such a luxurious life without love, because when the lust and passion is done, your dream life is also done.