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Brilio.net/en - In all the marriage problems Ive heard from the closest people around me, I can conclude that most couples got married for so many wrong reasons. Those who have great, passionate relationship for many years with their spouse are married because of love. And those who instead have nightmare relationship (and often divorce in the end) were married for all the wrong reasons. Below are the nine greatest reasons that I hope you wont make if youre not yet married:
1. Because of parental pressure
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Most Asians will this deal with this at least once in their life, where parents or elders in a big family demand for a new addition to the family. Of course all parents want their children to find get someone who loves them, takes care of them and keeps them happy. But have your say on this and remember that this is your life, not theirs. You are the one who will live the new life with your spouse, so choose wisely because marriage is meant to last for the rest of your life.
2. Because Im getting old
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Dont be silly and listen to all what people say. There is no such thing as a perfect age to get married. Someone may be too young or too old when they get married but when you find the one it wont be a problem. Youll be just ready if you find the perfect one. People have stopped listening to their hearts and use their mind instead. It might work for business decisions, but never for love. Its always the person youre married to that matters, not the age.
3. Because I want to have kids now before too late
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If your only reason for getting married is to have children, I guess youre completely missing the point of marriage. Marriage is an institution supplied to accommodate two people who are in love with each other and commit on building a family together. Its not just about making children because youll be too focused on being parents without being concerned about your spouses happiness and your relationship with him/her. This has been the biggest reason of divorce, because your spouse would find happiness with someone else. No matter how old you are, as long as there is love, you can always be a parent. Otherwise its just your ego or obsession talking.
4. Because of the pressure faced by peers
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You may be the last single in your friends, but so what? Dont get married just because your friends are. Its not some music concert youre going to attend. Its once-in-a-lifetime decision. Most Asians tend to hurry people to get married and compare them with the friends who already have been married. Questions such as when will you get married or when will you follow (a newlywed) lead (to get married) are often heard, even when you dont have a date. Just consider it as a chit chat template instead of getting stressed about it.
5. Because he is a devout man and kind enough to be my husband
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This message is especially for religious women who are looking for a nice, devout man to be the head of the family. Peoples good faith and character has nothing to do from being a person who will love you to the moon and back and do anything just to make you happy. Find a religious counselor/institution for some guidance to be religious family. A man who loves you will surely make the effort to be a good head of the family and give his best for you.
6. Because he/she seems to fit all the criteria of being a good spouse for me and parent to my future children
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Dont believe all the things you see, especially if you see them just from the outside. Nobody knows whats inside ones heart unless you get to know him/her better and he/she shows you his/her weaknesses too. Your criteria for perfect spouse wont make anyone love you the way you deserve to be treated. You dont want to get married based on what seems. You need to be certain that the man or woman youre going to marry will make you happy, give you a better life and build new family together with.
7. Because he/she is my only ticket to get out of my parents house
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You may dont like living in your house. Your family may always get in your way and you may feel like a prisoner in your own home. This case really happened to some of my friends and after a few years they admitted that they would prefer any other condition but to be married. If you dont like living with your parents, find a good job (which is better to be far away from town and out of town) and get out from that house. Marriage is never the answer if youre trying to run away from something because its a whole new life altogetherwhich means a whole new problem to be faced.
8. Because I get bored easily
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Dont laugh at this. My very own friend said this before she got married. She is easily bored with her boyfriends so when she was old enough to get married and found someone who was serious enough to marry her, they said their vows. Dont ask me how it endedthey just needed 2 months to decide that they did not belong together, and got divorced not even half the period that it took to plan their wedding. If you get bored easily in relationships, dont get married at all. Youll be meeting your spouse everyday during your marriage and there is not much you can do if you get bored with them.
9. Because he/she seems to be prosperous enough to guarantee a good life
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Well I cant say much here if your goal is to be married is solely because of the money. A friend of mine carries this ideology and she ended up in a physically abusive relationship, divorced with one kid and didnt even get a penny from the separation. Domestic violence, divorce and other drama mostly occur in these cases because when money talks, everything can be boughteven a spouse. And you will become a property, not a lover. Dont wish for such a luxurious life without love, because when the lust and passion is done, your dream life is also done.
(brl/tis)
