Brilio.net - Conflicts between mothers and children from celebrity circles are now being consumed by the public every day. This case is relentless, until it ends up in a police report. Initially it seemed like a conflict between a mother and a teenage child, but apparently there was an alleged influence of a third person. This case is also a reminder to anyone about the possibility of creating unexpected gaps that can alienate children from their parents.
It's not easy to be a parent, especially when your child reaches adolescence. Brilio.net cites research published in the Journal of Child and Family Studies (2019) , conflict between parents and children tends to increase during adolescence, especially when children begin to try to achieve independence. Moreover, adolescence is a phase where children seek their identity, so that in their journey, sometimes they challenge the authority of their parents. This is often the root of conflict in the family.
The classic question arises: Who should give in? Is it true that being a parent is always in a wrong position?
Brilio.net met with Professor of Psychology, Professor Khoirudin Bashori to get answers about how the conflict between mother and child is bridged. Actually, in the conflict between parents and children, it is no longer a matter of who should give in. Rather, it is how the problem is managed so that it does not drag on and become an uncontrollable situation. If the conflict is managed well, it can strengthen relationships and help children learn about compromise and empathy.
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"The first thing as a parent is to be sensitive enough to the problem, to things that are uncomfortable for children. Don't let it happen, because we are not sensitive we feel fine. In fact, what the child feels is not fine," opened Prof. Khoiruddin to brilio.net in an interview session.
For him, conflict resolution can be started by developing parental sensitivity to their children. This sensitivity can be created through open communication patterns. If parents do not open communication, it is feared that children will seek validation from other parties. In essence, this is only a matter of who a child is comfortable talking to. If at home there is no facility with good communication and affection, this can become a big hole where environmental influences dominate the child's mindset and behavior.
"Yes, in the end he feels more comfortable there than at home. This is about competition to get comfort. I always tell my friends to try to make whatever happens at home more comfortable than anywhere else. So that he still returns home. Because if it's more comfortable outside, of course he'll choose outside, right," he added.
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Rather than focusing on who should give in, it is more important to build healthy communication, so that both parties can understand each other's feelings. As parents, there is often a feeling of being in a difficult position. When being strict, children may feel constrained. However, when being too loose, there is a risk that children will rebel.
Professor Khoiruddin also emphasized that if you want to end the conflict between mother and child, the important role of parents is to dig into the root of the problem. The problem will not be solved if you only pay attention to the surface. He also touched on the steps that mothers can take if they face difficult problems with their children. This step in psychology is called pacing and leading .
" Pacing is matching the steps. This means that parents must learn to empathize with what their children feel. (In this case) parents try to dive into the child's psychological atmosphere. After being close, the child feels comfortable, then leading ," he explained when met in his beautiful home garden.
Leading is the process by which parents pull their children closer to them and then direct them in the desired direction. These two processes are the key to raising a child mentally. The process must also take place sequentially so that the child does not feel too controlled by his parents, which results in his freedom being imprisoned.
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In line with Professor Khoiruddin, Clinical Psychologist Choirunisa Nirahma also revealed that open communication is the key to a good relationship between children and their parents. She emphasized that communication between mother and child must be two-way. This means that parents should not only give orders, but also try to accommodate their child's wishes.
"Sometimes parents like "I want this". So what is really good is two-way communication. So there must be, in other words, listening to what the child wants. If there is something that is not quite right, then direct it," he said to brilio.net .
These two psychology students also agreed that before facing conflict with children, parents, especially mothers, must also be able to manage their emotions or in their knowledge it is called anger management. If parents have finished with the turmoil within themselves, then they are able to understand their children better.
In the end, the conflict between mother and child is something that is common. However, in overcoming it, various strategies are needed. Parents must also be able to map the root of the problem and the possibility of the influence of other parties that worsen the conflict that occurs. Communication is also a key factor, so that problems can be reduced before they reach a culmination.